Heart Brokeness
Being heart broken when something devastating happens is a perfectly normal response. I look around the world now and there are countless reasons to feel heart broken. I don't need to list those things; we all see them. Add to that your own personal heart breaks and the heart ache escalates. My personal story lately has brought me lots of reasons to feel heartbroken. It hits me out of the blue and I feel the sting of tears. I burst into tears in the dentist chair this week! I feel the tears welling up when I see a dear friend, who is reaching out to me in support. And at some moments the heartbroken feelings just surface out of nowhere. I have lost a lot recently including my self-concept as a healthy, strong person and also the notion that I had many years ahead to create a really great transition plan for the operation of TLC. Now I feel at times like a stranger in my own body, unsure how I got to this place of living with a recovering heart. And when I ponder letting go of running TLC, it feels like a huge void in my life. All that I have and all that I am has been poured into this precious sanctuary in the woods. It is very much entwined with my identity and vice versa.
I understand that many people would say that I should not focus any energy on being heartbroken; that placing my attention on that will create more heartbreak. There is a notion that naming a “negative” emotion will cause it to expand. I don't see it that way. I believe that naming the difficult feelings I experience, is a helpful way to move them out. I want to fully embrace all of the feelings I experience, rather than pretending that they don't exist. When I bring feelings of heartbreak into full view I can embrace them and then gradually work to release them. Feelings that are shoved down, don't just disappear. They remain lodged in my body creating more dis-ease. It takes awareness to acknowledge all that is calling for my attention. I believe my body has been talking to me very loud and my healing involves hearing it all, giving it voice and expression.
Heartbreak is not a popular emotion! It would be easier to ignore it or shove it down. But it is not bad! I like to think about it as allowing my heart to break open to all of my experiences and all learn all I can through them. As I have said so many times, the feelings of joy and sorrow are both present in the heart center. So with courage, I can mobilize the sad feelings and then the feelings of joy are also free to move. When heartbreak is large and heavy, it takes trust to believe that joy is also right there in the midst of it all. It may not feel possible in the moment but the normal human condition is to laugh one moment and cry the next. It takes a fully open heart for this magic to flow.
When the way is cloudy with heartbreak, trust the process and allow your heart to break fully open to all of life. I hope you will join me on the quest to explore every feeling without judgment. I suspect it is big medicine for healing heart brokenness!
-Robin