Tending the Heart of the Matter: A Community Grief Ritual
"Communal grieving offers something that we cannot get when we grieve by ourselves. Through validation, acknowledgment, and witnessing, communal grieving allows us to experience a level of healing that is deeply and profoundly freeing. Each of us has a basic human right to that genuine love, happiness and freedom."
— Sobonfu Somé
Grief is the sorrow we feel after loss. It is a natural part of life and a common human experience. You may be grieving the loss of a loved one, the ongoing destruction of the planet, or the suffering of others. When embraced, grieving can help us recover inner vitality and repair our sense of belonging.
Unfortunately, dominant Western culture encourages us to privatize and suppress grief. Undigested, grief becomes toxic, showing up as physical ailments and in damaging relationships with others. As Martín Prechtel says, “all war is unmetabolized grief.”
Thankfully, there are still people and cultures who know that the health of a community and its individuals depend on each other. And that the health of both depends on expressing grief. Grieving well is essential to keep our hearts open and resilient. Grieving together keeps us connected to the village, something needed more than ever at a time when loneliness is an epidemic.
You are warmly invited to join us for a weekend of honoring grief through community care, witnessing each other’s stories, perfection-free singing, movement, and a communal grief ritual. Free from the pressure to fix or analyze grief, you will be held in a safe space to feel and express grief. Together, we create a village of support, reminding each other that grief was never meant to be carried alone.
Our time together will include:
Community Council – a heart-centered practice for sharing and witnessing stories
Space to reflect – solo time indoors or in nature to reflect and be with your story of loss
Movement – gentle practices to soothe bodies that are healing
Communal grief ritual – through drumming, singing, ancestral and village support, we create a container where grief in all its forms can be held, expressed, and honored.
Brief Schedule Outline:
Please note: We will be together in ritual time, meaning the time is fluid and the ritual will influence the flow of the weekend, which may differ from what is shared here.
Friday:
5:30 pm: Arrive and settle in
6:30 - 9:00 pm: Ritual opening and sharing council
Saturday
9:00 am: Morning council
10:30: Solo reflection time in nature
12:00 pm: Lunch
1:00: Communal altar building
2:00 – 5:00: Community grief ritual
6:00: Shared meal
7:00: Closing circle
The Lineage of this Community Grief Ritual
Communal grief rituals were a common practice across cultures until recently. The ritual we will create together is inspired by recent grief ritual keepers who share practices and grief technologies with the intention to keep them alive and relevant. The facilitators are especially influenced by and grateful for the ritual-making gifts shared by Sobonfu Somé. Without Sobonfu, this ritual would not be possible. This ritual is inspired by and honors Sobonfu’s singular presence and purpose and does not pretend to be one of hers. The elders of her community sent her to the West to share grief rituals when recognizing the harm colonialism has on their people. Though these rituals were shared with us, we acknowledge that they were given as a survival strategy for the Dagara people. We tenderly offer this ritual in support of the intention to help us remember how to grieve so that we may heal personal and collective wounds. The ritual is also influenced by the lineages of Tina Fields, Joanna Macy, Sharon Blackie, Francis Weller, and The School of Lost Borders, each with its own headwaters. We acknowledge the complexity of carrying mixed lineages and are committed to ongoing learning, respecting limitations, and honoring our humanity.
Registration and fees:
Cost is $75 to $150 as you are able to contribute
Please register only if you are able to commit to the whole time
Facilitators:
Shea Armstrong, MA, is an ecopsychologist, wilderness rites-of-passage guide, and ceremonialist living in Lawrence, KS. She brings twenty years of group facilitation and ten years of leading community grief rituals to our shared weekend. Shea had the good fortune to experience the life-affirming impact of Sobonfu’s community grief ritual and studied everything she could from her. She believes in the power of community and ceremony to transform undigested sorrow into healing and hope.
Education and Training:
M.A. Transpersonal Ecopsychology, Naropa University
Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant, Natural Transitions Institute
Certified Wilderness First Responder, Wilderness Medical Associates
Wilderness Rites-of-Passage training and apprenticeship, The School of Lost Borders
Permaculture Design Certificate, The Permaculture Institute
Pamela Martin, ACC, IAHC, is an intuitive coach, artist, and sacred space holder, gently guiding others through change and transition back to themselves with compassion and care.
Pamela blends a deeply intuitive approach with a grounded understanding of emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Through one-on-one sessions, group circles, and retreats in nature, she creates space to honor what has been carried, release what no longer serves, and reconnect with the light within. Her work is rooted in creating environments that feel safe, supportive, and deeply caring.
It is her honor to help host this sacred grief ritual, honoring Sobonfu Somé and her teachings, that grief is not meant to be carried alone, but shared, witnessed, and held together.
Education & Ongoing Study:
ICF-Trained Professional Coach (ACC) Coaching & the Art of Holding Space
Coaching Intensive Practicum (CIP) Transtheoretical Change Theory and MI, Addiction Recovery
ICF Continuing Coach Education (CCE) Group Coaching and Trauma Informed Healing Modalities
Certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, Institute for Integrative Nutrition, Whole-Person Health & Wellness
Certified International Health Coach, International Association for Health Coaches (IAHC)
BA, Fine Arts in Graphic Design & Illustration- Creative Healing Foundation, Minor in Business, University of Arizona